Good Schools

My kids are both at good schools. It took a lot of thought, research and decision-making. We even bought a house based on the fact that there were good schools in the area. Of course, we then chose to send my daughter further afield for high school, but we are still on the doorstep to my son's school and remain quite central.

The woman who has been working for us for a number of years has a son the same age as ours. She herself, did not have the opportunity to get very far in school but is dedicated to giving her children all the opportunities that were denied her. Last year we tried in vain to get him into a high school closer to our home. He then subsequently got accepted at a school in one of the oldest townships in SA.

It is a well-known school and has been around since the 60's. Over the years it has earned recognition for academic as well as sport and cultural achievement. They also teach English and in hindsight, perhaps it is a good transition school for him if we do still want him to come to a school on this side of town.

This morning I was chatting to her and checking up on how he was settling in. I knew that she had been disappointed that he did not get accepted to the schools which were first on her list so I wanted to show her the school's website and reassure her that it was a good school.

She agreed with me and then carried on to explain why she thought it was good. It had nothing to do with the factors I had been looking at, at all. She thought it was good simply because the school was fenced in and the children remained on the school property during break times, thereby being kept safe from harm and out of temptation. Where I was thinking A's and B's she was having to think about his safety during the school day. It reminded me once again how different our perspectives are based on culture, enforced separation and social and economic circumstances. We also take so much for granted once we are in a fortunate place. 

So, do you work?

"So, do you work?" I have been thinking about this question over the last few days, since I attended a function with my husband. I usually brace myself for that question and wonder how I could answer it without appearing defensive. What exactly does work mean? If you do not have a paying job does that mean you do not work? Does that mean you are "living a life of luxury"? If you answer "No" does that mean the end of the conversation as you must be a "housewife" and therefore can have no meaningful contribution to the conversation or to society?

Answering no, does usually close off a conversation - doing voluntary work doesn't seem to count (since it does not involve money or climbing the corporate ladder) and seems to be regarded as not needing a commitment and therefore not important. Running a home and being a mother, supporting your husband's career, seems to be viewed with negativity. I am not sure if this is a SA viewpoint or a general global viewpoint. If you asked me if I was a feminist I would say yes - I believe in women's rights, in equality for women socially and culturally. But I think that people lose sight of the fact that the Feminist movement was about having the choice - the choice to stay at home with your kids or not, the choice to be single or married, the choice to build a career or not...

As a woman with a degree from a prestigious university and who worked in her career for a number of years, I feel fortunate to have been in the situation where I could choose to be a mother and "retire" from my previous career. And being a mother has certainly encompassed all the skills I learned at university and while working. What I did not know, I learned from workshops, books and from peers. On the job training is what is about; talk about immersion therapy! Certainly the hours have paid off and I have been well-rewarded along the way.

A friend joked that I could be the CEO of a "business" involving my role as mother. As they have grown older and spend more time at school and with other extra-mural activities, it seems that I have taken on the role of Personal Assistant. In many ways they need me less but even when they are not with me, I am planning and organising. I have to set time aside to do "admin" - plan schedules, make appointments, follow-up school-related issues. Recently, I have felt that I can start to reclaim my independence and start doing the things that I have put on hold.

But, yes, I have been working. Just not getting paid in hard currency.