Older and Better

You know you are getting old when you are sitting at your desk and something just pulls in your back. Or like last year, I was just walking along the road, when I twisted my ankle. I don’t know about these people who keep telling you that aging is in your mind, that age is only a number. Tell that to my body! There is the added weight gain around the middle, the slower recovery from sudden bursts of exercise, and of course “the change” which happened last year.   

I have no idea what my children are talking about in Math, and have to suffer the rolling eyes when I need help with an apparently trivial technology-related problem. I nearly fried my brain at the 4-hour workshop I attended on how to use my camera. Other giveaways must be talking about the "old days", and preferring snail mail and chats on the phone to "texting".

I don’t have a problem with getting older; I just have a problem with everyone telling me that it is happening in my head. It’s a process, this getting older. I remember a visit to the doctor a while back, when she told me that now that I was over 40 we needed to do an annual battery of tests like mammograms, cholesterol, thyroid, etc. I left there feeling like I was about to spontaneously combust now that I had passed a certain milestone. 

But here I am years later, still going strong! I have been growing my hair for the last few months. I have had short hair since forever but was feeling like I needed a change. "The only way to have something different is if you grow it," said my hairdresser (while you can still carry it off, he added, half under his breath). But there is life in the old dog yet! Last year was also the year that I went shark cage diving, learnt to ride an elephant and took horse-riding lessons. I have my open water diving certificate and made my television debut on Morning Live, no less.  I have just finished a course on magazine journalism and set up my blog (by myself when they were all in Durban watching Portugal and Brazil during the World Cup!). 

So now I find myself with the odd pain, embracing my curves and the natural highlights in my hair. I am doing things I never dreamt I would be doing. I plan on going back for the longer version of the photography course in the new year and watch out for the new and improved version of my blog. Things are definitely getting better. 

Exam-phobia

This morning I did an "exam". Actually it was an open-book quiz that I received via email, had an hour to complete and then return. In my head it took on the proportions of an "exam". And that word strikes fear into my heart, in the same way that Pavlov's dogs salivated at the ringing of a bell!

The quiz was the final requirement for the Magazine Journalism course I have been doing The SA Writers' College. I have enjoyed each module with its accompanying assignments, and have produced a 1800 word article about the World Children's Prize, so was feeling a sense of accomplishment. The fact that it was an online course made me feel even better, more with it (do people still say that?), like I had further embraced technology! Nevertheless, I allowed myself the slightest sense of panic at the idea that I would be put to the test and have to prove myself.

No matter that I did this test in the comfort of my peaceful study which looks out on to the garden and played music in the background, my sympathetic nervous system went into overdrive, getting ready for who knows what. In my technophobic defense I have to say that I did not trust the fact that this had to be done online and that I would have to rely on email to submit, but it was definitely that word "exam" that did it. I could feel that old familiar sensation creeping up the back of my neck, the sense of doom and the heaviness hanging over my head.

I think it harks back to school days where we were trained to regurgitate what had been taught in class and, woe betide, if you did not give it back exactly as it was expected. Yes, much to my children's horror, I did have the odd teacher who thought they could put the ruler to better use on parts of our bodies. I remember working myself up into quite a state on the eve of exams and then, many times wanting to kick myself for not doing as well as I could have.

It was only much later, post-university even, that I managed to enjoy the learning process and take assessments more in my stride. I have enjoyed doing courses in everything from neuro-developmental therapy to yoga teacher training and aromatherapy. I have enjoyed the sense of achievement along with the stimulation and really, the assessments at the end have not been the bogey they used to be.

I feel hugely relieved that I have completed the quiz. I know that I have done well in the assignments. As always, it seems almost pathetic that I could waste all that energy. Seems there is still a bit of exam-phobia left that needs to be exorcised!