Not the life and soul

I’m not the life and soul of the party. I don’t know just the right thing to say when at a cocktail party. I envy those who seem to have a store of one-liners which break the ice and start the conversation rolling. I am like a fish out of water, balancing a drink or a canapé in one hand, standing around making small talk. But I am a good listener, and once I get to know you around the dinner table or over a cup of coffee, I can ramble on as well as the next person.

My husband and daughter emit some kind of radar that draws people to them and they engage with ease, beaming in the afterglow of the interaction. People remember meeting them. On the other hand, I am always being told at parent-teacher meetings that my son has much to contribute, but is far too quiet in class, or he could be having more fun if he relaxed and opened up.

As a young boy, my son earned a reputation for himself as being a choosy playmate – teaching me to consult with him before I made any play date arrangements. “I need to rest today,” he would say, “I had a friend yesterday.” I learned to respect that – to give him his space to be by himself. After all, I could identify with that. We are both introverts and don’t need rescuing to come “out of our shells”. We are having fun, just doing it quietly.

At the bookshop last week, I spotted a book on how to make small talk; I picked it up, turned it over, read the back cover, and riffled through the pages. I was tempted to buy it. Maybe I do need to know what to say when introduced to the Prince of this or the President of that – to make a memorable impression. I walked around the aisles with it in my hand before reluctantly putting it back. I knew deep down that this was not something I could learn from a book. But, hey! There must be enough people with the same “problem” for someone to write a book, right?

Sometimes you have to accept the things you cannot change.  But I am free for coffee...

Jeffery Archer on Writing

On Friday I attended a very entertaining lunch with this prolific author. He really is an amazing story-teller and the talk was unexpectedly funny. He spoke about his writing journey and the trials and tribulations of becoming a successful writer. He started off his talk by saying that 1 in 1000 books submitted to publishers is accepted, and 1 in 1000 books published becomes bestsellers. He reaffirmed what I am rapidly learning - that writing is not for sissies!

I was quite impressed with his rigorous work schedule – he takes 50 days to write a book. He goes off to his house in Majorca (no telephones and no television) and writes: up at 05h00 writes from 06h00-08h00, 10h00-12h00, 14h00-16h00 and 18h00-20h00. In the breaks he takes two one-hour walks to clear his head and to allow the plot and characters to develop, and for exercise. He is in bed by 22h00 and up again at 05h00 the next morning.

A question from the floor was about the effect of technology on his sales. The percentage of sales of his books for Kindle has been increasing slowly and steadily, and the expectation now is that 50% of sales of his latest book will be electronic. In the 1970s, to promote his second book he went on a 17 city/21 day tour around the US, appearing on television shows and doing book signings. Now, he says, no one wants to see him. He has a blog, as well as a Face Book page and a Twitter account to keep his readers happy.

He urged those interested in writing to write about what they know, not what is in fashion. He said Jane Austen wrote about what she knew, viz. life in a small village. Her first book was about a woman trying to marry off her four daughters, the second about a woman marrying off her three daughters, in the third there were two daughters, and the last one was about a woman desperate to get married!

Cash is King

Yesterday we had a visitor from Italy for lunch. The news from the north is rather grim – depressed economy, high taxes, property prices down and more and more young people living on welfare since it is almost not worth working when you have to give away 70% of your salary to the taxman. 

I remember as a young girl that my grandfather always preached that “Cash was King”. He firmly believed that you should pay cash for everything and avoid getting into debt. His maxim was that if you couldn’t afford to pay cash for it, you should go without it or wait until you had saved the money. My fondest memory of him is of how he saved up his coins at the end of every day in a little money box that he kept in his cupboard, for my education. 

The banks have convinced us that it is alright to have things that we cannot afford, and they have lent money to us, allowing us to go into debt to get what we want. And now here we are in one big mess. Seems we should have listened to the old folks more closely.

Go For It

Towards the end of last year I came across a great school diary filled with ideas to "change the world", called "Go For It".  It starts off with a little quizz to check your eco-score, so that you can check your own lifestyle before you take on the problems of the world. It looks at the things you do, like turning off the lights or filling up the kettle with only as much water as you need,  picking up rubbish in the street when you see it,  performing random acts of kindness and using the political process to voice your concern on issues.

With two days a page it has suggestions of simple actions to help make a difference. I like the entry for 20/21 February which quotes Mandela's saying:

"If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. if you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart." 

There is then a suggestion to learn one of South Africa's 11 languages - even if it is only 20 phrases that you could use as much as possible. 

Another entry for 13/14 June talks about the many changes that are still needed in our country and encourages the youth to join up with other youth activists to make themselves heard. There is a suggestion to visit a website: www.youthnoise.com. 

The diary is only available in KwaZulu Natal this year but I hope that it will be available nationally next year. The positive message is inspiring but it is the practical information that is of enormous value. So often we want to do something but don't know where to start. 

The diary is based on Michael Norton's book, 365 Ways to Change the World.

Contact Lynn at lynn@goforitdiary.co.za or Kim at kim@goforitdiary.co.za

To Carbo-load or Not

Seems you can’t open a newspaper or magazine or turn on the TV these days without seeing Tim Noakes.  He is quite the guru of Sports Medicine in SA and is well-respected as an academic. My friend, Bridgette, a runner, swore that his book, The Lore of Running, was like her bible.

How disconcerting then for ordinary folk, that he does a complete about-turn on what he has been preaching for so many years. I may be mistaken but I think that he coined the term “carbo-loading” before a big race. You would be hard-pressed to find a table at an Italian restaurant on the eve of the Two Oceans Marathon or the Cape Argus Cycle tour, as everyone indulged in pasta.

Now he is going on national television and saying that he was wrong and that we should be eating more protein and fat. He is even going so far as to say that we should take his book and tear out the chapter he wrote on nutrition.

Because I have high cholesterol I have cut down on red meat and dairy products and I generally eat and live a healthy lifestyle. But sometimes it’s hard to keep track of what healthy is. One minute butter is in and margarine is out, the next it’s food-combining or high protein diets and then butter is out and margarine is in. Then there are the foods that cause cancer (or not) and the foods that are approved by the Heart Foundation and so on.

At the end of the day I think we should listen to our bodies, keep the balance and use common sense.  

A different movie experience

A friend and her daughter recently went to watch a movie at The Labia. It turned out be quite an experience. The Labia is the oldest independent cinema in SA. It plays “alternative” movies in an old Italian embassy ballroom, complete with velvet drapes and a stage. The old-world ambience dates back to the late 1940s. I may be mistaken, but the seats probably date back to then too.

It took a while to buy the tickets (from the antique ticket booth) and to locate the popcorn machine attendant but they had arrived early. Soon they were clutching their brown paper bags of popcorn (I swear it tastes better) and their tickets for Screen Four. They made their way to their seats in the dusty old cinema and settled down to watch My Week with Marilyn... nothing happened.

They started chatting to the three other patrons in the cinema to pass the time. After half an hour she decided to go out and check what was happening. The projectionist had “forgotten” to come but this was a minor hitch that was soon sorted out and before long the movie started... but not the movie they had come to watch. She checked the tickets – yes, it said Screen Four and this was Screen Four.

Back she went to the ticket booth. No, My Week with Marilyn was playing on Screen Three. They had already seen The Artist which was playing on Screen Four so she went back to collect her daughter and they crept into Screen Three. She says it was a great movie. She just needs to see the first half hour sometime.

It reminded me of a story our Mauritian friend tells about the local cinema there. Apparently people phone up the manager to hold the movie because they are running late. And then when they do finally arrive, it is with flasks of tea and samoosas which gets offered around. There is much shouting across aisles as people recognise each other, before everyone settles down and the movie can begin.

Hmm...I always thought Ster Kinekor lacked a certain something...

Material - changing generations

Last week we went on a rare family outing to the movies – it’s not very cool to go with your parents but luckily my kids can still be persuaded, every now and then. This occasion was the much talked about local movie, Material starring Riaad Moosa. Moosa is a doctor-turned-comedian who feels a bit like family, since we know who his parents are and where he comes from.  We are proud that he is doing well, although he must raise some eyebrows in the community – “wasting” his medical education to be on the stage – which is why the story was even more noteworthy.

The story of a young Indian Muslim man breaking away from tradition to do something which is so foreign to his father and what he believes in is one that spans many cultures and generations.  The story is a familiar one:  Cassiem Kaif is expected to take over the family business (working in his father’s material shop) but wants to perform in a comedy club (something he enjoys doing and would like the opportunity to explore).

We all want our children to have what we didn’t (like education and opportunity) and so they inevitably turn out differently from the way we did. Then follows the need to reconcile our views with the way they see things. It’s less about holding rigidly onto our principles and more about allowing change and growth. The movie certainly struck a chord with me, having  two children who are growing up worlds apart from the way I did.

It’s a warm-hearted movie from the meditative images of men walking to mosque and preparing for early morning prayers right through to the resolution of a family feud and the happy ending. There was enough humour and drama in it to satisfy all of us. See it.

Material is a Ster Kinekor release and is still on the circuit.