Happy New Year!

“You have been formed into tribes and nations so that you may know one another.” Quran

“In order to change things for the better, we need not just smart brains, but warm-heartedness and the values of love, compassion and forgiveness.” 
Dalai Lama

Over the last ten days we have been celebrating Christmas and the New Year with a variety of friends, both old and new. At times the revelling may have been too much, and I felt like I was not getting anything constructive done, but I remind myself that this is necessary time off to follow the rituals which draw the old year to  a close and ring in the new.

We have shared meals with people of all faiths and nationalities.  We have sat around a table where meals have lasted for hours while we discovered how similar we are to American, Nigerian, Italian, Kenyan, Russian, Dutch, Mauritian, Canadian, British and Iranian people, as well as fellow South Africans.

Despite the distances which separate us, the same issues touch us, concern us, mobilise us. I lap it all up; I feel like I am giving the finger to apartheid, racism and many other –isms. I firmly believe that we should be building bridges by getting to know each other. When we step outside of the familiar, outside our comfort zones, we make connections which enrich our lives and shrink the world. We cannot help connecting on a deeper level than we are accustomed to.

One of our passions as a family is travel - precisely because we are forced to step out of the familiar and over the artificial barriers which serve to keep us separate. I like to think that the energy with which we start the New Year is the one that we carry through and so, for 2013 I wish for more understanding, compassion, friendship and connections. Happy New Year.

The Gaza Doctor

Hate is an easy option. It takes courage to not hate. That is the message that has come through strongly for me from Dr Izzeldin Abuelaish’s book, I Shall Not Hate.  Dr Abuelaish is also known as “the Gaza doctor”. In 2009 he suffered unspeakable tragedy when three of his daughters were killed by Israeli Defence Force shells, three months after he lost his wife to acute leukemia.

A month ago I attended one of his lectures at the UCT medical school as part of the alumni program. I was blown away by this man who spoke of the tragedy with tears quietly streaming down his cheeks. But it is his response to this tragedy that is remarkable. He refuses to sink into hatred, although he acknowledges the anger he feels. Anger is important, he says, if it is accompanied by change and propels you toward necessary action to change the situation and make it better for everyone.

He spoke for close on an hour with a passion and quiet strength that points to how he has managed to survive with dignity and compassion. He says that as a medical doctor he has been trained to save lives, to treat people irrespective of who they are and that it is this belief that has helped him to search for the humanity in everyone that he has come into contact with.  

I had to buy the book to learn more about what makes this man tick. It is hard to imagine the daily life in Gaza that he describes in the book, the immense difficulties that he has overcome to achieve what he has. In spite of the immense loss that he has suffered, he believes that peace is possible. He hopes that the deaths of his daughters will be the last sacrifice on the road to peace in the Middle East.

He urges us to act now – that it is up to all of us to speak up and take an active role in promoting peace. During his talk he quoted a passage from the German Pastor Niemoller whose words I remember having up on my notice board during the apartheid years:

In Germany they first came for the Communists, 

and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. 

Then they came for the Jews, 

and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. 

Then they came for the trade unionists, 

and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. 

Then they came for the Catholics, 

and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. 

Then they came for me — 

and by that time no one was left to speak up.

I Shall Not Hate by Izzeldin Abuelaish is published by Bloomsbury

Thought for the Day

Every time I open the newspapers my heart wants to break for the people in Somalia. I read that 6 of the 8 regions in Somalia have been struck by famine, affecting three-quarter of a million people. There are haunting images of malnourished babies and toddlers, queues of people hoping for food and water, against a background of an unfriendly landscape. People are dying every day and it seems that aid cannot be delivered fast enough to keep pace with the crisis.

There are also disturbing pictures of war and struggle while people fight for their freedom in other parts of Africa. The pictures don’t show the most vulnerable women and children who are being displaced, who have had their whole lives turned upside down. In Greg Mortenson’s book, Three Cups of Tea he says that “in times of war, you often hear leaders say ... ‘God is on our side’. But that isn’t true. In war God is on the side of refugees, widows and orphans.” I hope that he is right.

It is overwhelming to watch the suffering of people and I realise that I cannot help everyone. I do believe that if we do our best to help the people around us, in any small way, we contribute to the greater good of all humanity. Often we don’t do anything because we think that the need is so great that we cannot make a difference, but in the words of Rabindrath Tagore:

“Not hammer strokes but dance of the water sings the pebbles into perfection.” 

The Golden Rule

I am saddened and a little troubled by the recent suicide of someone we knew. While we were not close friends, our families have many connections through school, university and business. We also live in the same neighbourhood, a few roads from each other. I am disturbed by the fact that we could be connected to each other, live alongside each other and yet not be able to pick up the deep distress that would lead someone to take their own life.

There are always so many questions for the people left behind and always some guilt about whether we could have done something to help prevent the death. So many people attended the funeral service, which made me wonder why he could not find at least one of us to talk to. 

Technology has made us so available to each other all the time, and yet are we really connected to each other?  We actually don’t even need to talk to each other – we SMS, BBM, send emails from our phones and have information at our fingertips. We need to engage with each other with more than social media, to connect on a personal level. We all have a need to belong to a group, whether it is a family bond, or a group of people with a common purpose or a spiritual group like a church. We need to learn to live with one another, to care for each other and be cared for.

In her book, Twelve Steps to a Compassionate Life, Karen Armstrong asserts that compassion is a true test of spirituality. We are urged to have concern for everyone, “to treat others as you would wish to be treated yourself”. Compassion is common to all faiths. All religions have their own version of The Golden Rule. 

“As we develop our compassionate mind, we should feel an increasing sense of responsibility for the suffering of others and form a resolve to do everything we can to free them from their pain”, she says.

I think tragic events occur to help put us on the right path. Let’s take time to connect, to take responsibility for each other, to care.

Read more about Karen Armstrong by clicking here Charter for Compassion
Contact The South African Depression and Anxiety Group for mental health information and resources.