Taking the Gap

I choked on my litchi juice the other day. I had just popped the litchi into my mouth when someone asked my daughter where she was thinking of going to university and whether she would be staying at home. Cape Town university is a hop and a skip away. She very quickly replied that she was definitely not staying at home. I have been saying for a while now that she is going to be flying the nest soon - what with Canadian exchange and service projects in Thailand, it comes as no surprise. So I don't think that's what made me choke!

I cannot believe that this is her last year at school, though. And the question of a gap year vs going straight to university has been debated in our house for a little while. It is a hot topic. Many people are against their children taking a year off as they think that it is a waste of time and money and that they will find it hard to settle back at university afterwards. They think that it is best that they continue straight on while they are still in the head-space for learning.

We are quite open to this idea but not as a year off to waitress for peanuts in some little known English pub. A year off doing something worthwhile (like building water tanks in a Thai village) or doing a short course and some travelling sounds like a worthwhile experience. A friend's son is spending time in Italy doing an art course before he comes home to study architecture. Someone else I know spent time at a school in the Loire valley in France, having studied French at school.

I think that if you are unsure what to study after school, it makes sense to take a break rather than rushing into a course that you later find out to be the wrong one after you have spent money and time on it. Certainly I wish that I had had that opportunity. Not that I regret studying what I did. But I was young, university was a huge cultural shock in the apartheid era, and I found it difficult to settle in to the structure straight away. There were a few students who had travelled overseas for a year, and you could see the difference that made to their attitude towards studying and the maturity with which they handled university. 

So, like I say we are open to the idea. But I hope she won't be like the Greek woman I met a while ago. She is married to a South African and has settled here now with two small children. They met in the UK when they were both students. They both did post-graduate studies and then married. She was 17 when she left Greece to study .....and now get this.....she never actually went home to live again. I am not sure how I feel about my daughter leaving......forever.

Good Schools

My kids are both at good schools. It took a lot of thought, research and decision-making. We even bought a house based on the fact that there were good schools in the area. Of course, we then chose to send my daughter further afield for high school, but we are still on the doorstep to my son's school and remain quite central.

The woman who has been working for us for a number of years has a son the same age as ours. She herself, did not have the opportunity to get very far in school but is dedicated to giving her children all the opportunities that were denied her. Last year we tried in vain to get him into a high school closer to our home. He then subsequently got accepted at a school in one of the oldest townships in SA.

It is a well-known school and has been around since the 60's. Over the years it has earned recognition for academic as well as sport and cultural achievement. They also teach English and in hindsight, perhaps it is a good transition school for him if we do still want him to come to a school on this side of town.

This morning I was chatting to her and checking up on how he was settling in. I knew that she had been disappointed that he did not get accepted to the schools which were first on her list so I wanted to show her the school's website and reassure her that it was a good school.

She agreed with me and then carried on to explain why she thought it was good. It had nothing to do with the factors I had been looking at, at all. She thought it was good simply because the school was fenced in and the children remained on the school property during break times, thereby being kept safe from harm and out of temptation. Where I was thinking A's and B's she was having to think about his safety during the school day. It reminded me once again how different our perspectives are based on culture, enforced separation and social and economic circumstances. We also take so much for granted once we are in a fortunate place. 

School Choices

School certainly started with a bang last week, with my son doing 11- and 12-hour days. He has had to be at school for athletics practice at 05h45 (which was rather a rude awakening, but makes sense given the hot summer days we have been experiencing). And then of course he needs to try everything out - so had tennis one day and sailing on another. Needless to say he has been coming home, eating and passing out. I have a feeling that I am not going to be seeing too much of him for the next while.

While he is starting out at high school, my daughter is at the other end of the spectrum - finishing off. so she has been doing much the same as he has, but from the perspective of helping the new ones to fit in - so there are many grade 8-12 functions happening in this family at the moment. 

New stages mean choices. My son has already had to decide between taking Afrikaans and Xhosa and also whether he would like to do Music as a subject. I don't know many 14 or 15 year olds who know what they are going to do post-matric yet they are required to choose subjects at this stage which will determine career paths at university or college and beyond at this stage. At the end of Grade 9 my daughter had to make similar choices. She loves French and History and so it seemed natural for her to continue with those subjects. It seems likely, given her interests in community work and children's rights that she could well do something in the field of international relations, human rights or politics. 


But she is not sure and we tried to help her make decisions that would keep as many options open as possible. Her teacher advised her to carry on with Physics which seems to have become the wonder subject - the one that will keep all doors open to Medicine and Health Sciences. Since she already had her two favourites, it seemed reasonable that she could do one that she did not like. However on the eve of her entry into grade 10 she decided that there was no way she was going to be spending the next three years doing a subject she hated and has settled for Biology which keeps the Science door ajar. We reasoned that if she did get to matric and decided on a career path that needed Science she would be sufficiently motivated to do a catch up.

I find that there are so many choices open to children today and there are career paths which did not exist a few years ago. It is so difficult to choose wisely at this stage unless you have a burning passion to be a doctor, a lawyer or have a flair for business or computers. I have just made an appointment for my daughter to do a careers assessment for some guidance as to the next stage in her life. 


I can only hope that at the end of the day, we have given them both the best we can and that they will use all the opportunities and privileges to have a great life, no matter what they do.  

Painting with Light

The fountain in the front has been photographed. So has the sprinkler, some flowerpots and my son's profile, his face and various other body parts. I love taking pictures, normally. This time I have to do homework,  and it is proving to be a little more demanding. I started the photography course at the Cape Town School of Photography this week. I was keen but a little nervous after blowing a few brain cells the last time I did a four-hour workshop. Glutton for punishment that I am, I signed up for a 10-week course.

The first session this week, although three hours long, felt more at my pace. Our lecturer explained apertures, shutter speed and light sensitivity to our motley group which ranged from those who had just finished school to those who were seeking a new career direction and those who were keen to simply learn how to use their fancy cameras. There were locals, foreigners, arty types, budding wild-life photographers and proud moms wanting to capture moments for posterity. 

I took many pictures of my children as they were growing up. I saw myself as the family record-keeper and we have pictures up all over our house. But as they got older and they each had a camera, I stopped taking pictures. It seemed like over-kill to have all of us brandishing cameras when we went anywhere. Hundreds of photos have been taken and are still on the computer. I missed taking pictures and having them developed though and last year I got a camera for my birthday.

I have taken some good pics with this camera but it somehow seems like cheating to be using it on the AUTO setting. It's more like the camera is taking the picture, rather than any great effort on my part. And, anyway this is my year of becoming more techno-savvy. I loved the definition of photography from the Greek - "painting with light" - that our lecturer used. I could feel the creative juices starting to flow. 

So now we have to produce three pictures as our first project, and I can't think of what to photograph. We also have to write down the details behind each photo (f-stop, shutter speed and ISO) - and it is really cool to know what that all means....now if I can just find the subject...

Lavender, Travel Stamps and a Potjie: Part 3

Potjies on a fire in a village in the Eastern Cape 

Potjies are traditional cast-iron 3-legged pots which have been used to cook over a fire for centuries in South Africa. Usually a stew is made with whatever meat is available and vegetables and spices are added. Of attraction to me, is the fact that after initial preparation, it requires little looking after and you can socialize while it cooks for hours, stewing and blending all the different tastes. I like that you can throw a little bit of everything in and out comes something wonderfully harmonious. 

When I was deciding on the blog-header, the idea of a cultural melting pot to represent South Africa, came up. I thought it was quite appropriate to represent what I wanted to blog about and could also be a metaphor for my views on spirituality and religion, and indeed on life. 

When my son completed junior school at the end of last year, one of the traditions that he was involved in, was a Potjiekos Competition. There was great excitement as they were placed into groups and discussed recipes. He is a meat-and-potatoes man in the great South African tradition, of course, and we adapted his favourite meal - the Cape Malay tomato bredie. He was delighted that his team came in at third place. Here's the recipe that my mother used when we were growing up:

Tomato Bredie
Ingredients:
1 kg Mutton pieces (knuckles are great)
2 large onions
1 kg ripe red tomatoes (use canned if you have to)
1 tin of tomato paste
4-6 medium potatoes
2 cloves of garlic, crushed
2 teaspoons of sugar
salt to taste

Braise the onions until golden brown.
Add the meat and braise until soft.
Add tomatoes, tomato paste, garlic and cook for 15 minutes.
Add the potatoes and cook until soft.
Add the sugar to balance the tartness of the tomatoes.
Season to taste.

Best served with white rice.

(A vegetarian potjie is of course perfectly possible, too.)

For more on Potjiekos click here

So, these three blogs on potjiekos, lavender and travel, more or less explain the design of my blog-header, and a little about me. Hope you stick around for more.

For the two previous blogs, see here:
Lavender, Travel Stamps and a Potjie: Part 2
Lavender, Travel Stamps and a Potjie: Part 1

Lavender, Travel Stamps and a Potjie: Part 2

So although I have not yet visited the lavender fields of Provence, we have done quite a bit of travel. After a late start (I was 29 before I travelled outside SA for the first time) we have since travelled from Greenland to India, Cuba to Thailand, Canada to Egypt and a few more. We have immersed ourselves in cultures, preferring to get to know the locals, returning home richer for the experience.

Swedish bicycle

When my daughter was born it seemed like the most natural thing to carry on in spite of the prophets of doom who would have us believe that having children meant it was time to hang up the travel boots. She was nine months old when we took her to Mauritius and not quite three when she accompanied us on a 2-month long visit to India and Nepal. She travelled like a pro, charmed the locals and was the only one not to get sick. She was comfortable sleeping and eating anywhere although she did refuse to use any “squatting toilets”. The bladder strength she built has stood her in good stead for later travel.

Italian bicycle

By the time her brother was born we thought we had the travel thing down pat. He proved to be more of a challenge, though as he was more resistant to change and disruptions to his routine. Once we established that he needed rest days in between and that he needed to know exactly how many days we would be away and what we would be doing on those days, he was fine. It took until age seven though before he shocked us by asking if we could go back to Florence if we missed the plane home from Milan. Italy has remained a favourite.

Thai bicycle

We subscribe to Mark Twain’s assertion that travel is fatal to narrow-mindedness and bigotry. So we have only ourselves to blame that our daughter, aged 17, has not only spent two months in Toronto , Canada, on exchange but has also just returned from a remote, hill-tribe village in Thailand where she has been helping to build a water storage tank. In both countries she has immersed herself locally and though she has missed home, has had a ball of a time. Each time she returned, I noticed how she has grown up and become more independent. I have little doubt that she will fly the nest soon. And we are proud of having given her the wings. 

Saving the World in Thailand

My daughter is back from her "expoitition and adventure" in Thailand. She is tanned and fit and her bed and bathroom have never looked this good to her. Digging trenches, breaking up rocks and building a water storage tank is not the average holiday pastime of 16 and 17 year olds but that is exactly what she and 14 other teenagers did this December. After a selection process that looked at community involvement and leadership skills, she was chosen for the project in Thailand. 

I was confident that she would be well looked after, judging from the very good organisation and preparation involved but made sure that she was prepared with medicines for diarrhoea, nausea, pain and fever and Wetwipes ... I had no idea that you could get so many wetwipes - wetwipes for outdoors and for feminine hygiene, wetwipes in lieu of  toilet paper, wetwipes with mosquito repellent and wetwipes for sensitive skin! And then there was the Tabard candle to burn to keep mozzies away, plus the cream and a little battery-operated gadget that was supposed to do the same. Satisfied that we had covered most medical emergencies, we put her on the plane with warnings ringing in her ears not to leave her bag alone nor to carry parcels for other people and breathed a sigh of relief when she got safely to the village.

St Cyprian's School is part of Round Square (which suits her aim of saving the world very well). Round Square has four other service projects in Honduras, Kenya and India and six St Cyprian's girls were chosen to go and do their bit. They have lived and worked with villagers, met young people from around the world and experienced firsthand what it means to make a difference. 

Accommodation in the village - 4 hours drive from the nearest town, not a word of English and (luckily) a flushing loo installed the week before they arrived! This was not her first time away from home, but there's a world of difference between staying in boarding school in Toronto and a hut on stilts in the hills of the north of Thailand!   

Halfway there! Boulders collected from the river, smashed up to make concrete, learning to skim cement...talk about hard labour!

Proud as punch to have made a difference!
In front of the water storage tanks. 

The highlight of the trip for her, was standing in front of the water tank for a photograph, and hearing it fill up, knowing that the village would have fresh water when they left - what a wonderful opportunity for students and villagers alike. 

The Dress

We bought the dress today. The matric dance dress. I must say it was relatively painless and we are still friends, but it did take the better part of two days and we had to call in reinforcements in the shape of Auntie J.

We started out yesterday and saw a stunning dress in the first shop we went to. She loved the way she looked in it but felt that a matric dress deserved more searching than simply buying the one in the first shop! Not sure of that logic as I couldn't see how finding the one, meant going to look at some other dresses in other shops. Anyway, it is a big deal and so I indulged her as we criss-crossed the street and mall, leaving possibilities at each shop to come back to the next day. For a change she loved trying on clothes. 

"We need someone", she said in front of the mirror in the change room. "I need Auntie J!" (Auntie J has an only son but has enjoyed being surrogate aunt over the years). "Tell her I need her". Auntie J happily obliged and rocked up at the mall this morning, wearing her flatties, ready to pound the pavement. So we criss-crossed the mall and street, checking up on all the possibilities, trying them all on again in front of hopeful sales assistants. Auntie J expanded the search to include after-party dresses and even a dress for me!

Time for coffee and decisions, we decided. We toasted to the matric dance with our cups and shared stories of our own dances with her. It certainly was a much more low-key affair, pre-American-television-inspired Proms. Auntie J had two matric dance dresses - one that her church-going mom thought was suitable and one that her fun-loving dad whisked her off to buy when he saw mom's contribution. Mom apparently prayed over that dress before she saw her off to the dance!

As for me, I got the sensible outfit that "could be worn again". I got dropped at the dance by my date's dad and I am sure we were back home before the Cinderella hour! Who had ever heard of an after-party never mind an after-party dress!

After coffee we went back to the first shop to buy the first dress. So now it is the hair and makeup, shoes and accessories, etc.  I can see why the school is having the dance so early in the year - no-one would be focusing on exams if it was later in the year. I had fun doing this with her and I say thank you for a daughter (and reinforcements!).

Saving the World

Every now and then I worry that it is so easy to live in a bit of a bubble.  I go about my daily grind and think that I am doing my bit to live responsibly and then I get a wake-up call that maybe the bubble is a little too small and not enough is being done.

I recycle plastic, glass and paper and take it to the Oasis Work centre for disabled adults down the road – I pat myself on the back every week because not only am I caring for the environment, I am also supporting the disabled. Every week we get an organic vegetable box from a township project – Harvest of Hope. So, again two birds with one stone – supporting the community project and going green. My kids have been collecting newspaper to take to school recycling projects since they first started school. So I have this illusion that the country is going greener.

This morning I was waiting in the car for my daughter (as moms do) when the dustbin collection was being done. One guy dropped a black bag and out tumbled cereal boxes, bottles and paper. Further down the road the local bergie was retrieving cans from a bin. I wondered if these people had not heard about recycling. This is a middle-class neighbourhood, with kids at schools in the area who are probably also promoting recycling.

I think we way underestimate the effects of global warming. We live as if there is no tomorrow. We have become a wasteful society, throwing away half of what we buy – either in terms of the packaging or going by sell-by dates and pitching into the bin reliant on computer dates rather than what should be our experience of the look and taste of food. Even the organic produce at the supermarket comes in plastic and Styrofoam which cannot be recycled.

When we were in Greenland a while ago, we experienced firsthand the effects of global warming on the glacier and saw how it affected the lives of the local people - changing their hunting, living and eating patterns. The irony is that the Inuit people live very close to nature, taking only what they need from the land or sea. Now life as they knew it no longer exists. While we are talking about climate change and global warming around the dinner table, it is actually happening in Greenland – they are the first to be feeling the effects and already having to adapt their lifestyles which is something we are all going to have to do.

The Illulisat glacier - a churning mass of icebergs.

Our young guide pointed out to us how the knowledge of the ancestors has become less valuable because of the change in climate patterns. The river that was once there is now dry, the glacier that covered the hills has disappeared, the reindeer that were always there when hunting season opened, no longer show up. Before it never rained in December and January, now it does.

While the world is being wracked by extreme weather – droughts and floods – it washes over us from the television screens in our living rooms and we once again think that “it can’t happen to us”. But it is happening to us now. And we can make a difference. Our children and future generations bear the greatest burden of the effects of climate change. We owe it to the children to leave behind an earth worth living on. 

World image courtesy of Google Maps