Wedding Season

It's wedding season in India - not too hot, not too cold, just right.  We are having the full experience, starting with shopping for the right clothes to wear to a wedding. This is a rather more complicated process than popping into a boutique and buying what catches your eye. 

Already overwhelmed by the sights, sounds and smells of Delhi I might have turned tail and run off when presented by four floors of shopping at Frontier Raas. Luckily, we had the able services of Sumeet, who knew exactly what we needed."Green is such a Mehndi colour." and "Black will be good for an evening wedding."  I was happy to be guided. 

Once we were settled in with tea and biscuits, the viewing began. Before long there was a pile of possibilities in front of us. How is it possible that there are so many choices and combinations? Not only was I distracted by what was in front of me, but people behind me and next to me seemed to be viewing the most sought after fabrics too. 

    

                                                 

All around us people were faced with a similar dilemma. Perhaps draping the sari would help? Quick as a flash an assistant had me standing on a little raised platform in front of the mirror, with a cord tied around my waist, while he deftly folded pleats and started winding fabric around my body. I stared at the reflection of a graceful, slimmer me. I should wear saris all the time! For those men who were buying saris, for their daughters or wives, I presumed, the assistants were only too willing to drape themselves. 

                                                          

Three hours later, having been offered Starbucks (we have one just down in the road!) and something to eat, we emerged happy with our purchases. Some bargaining had to be entered into in order to have our blouses and skirts sewn. "Tomorrow is not possible. How about two days time and delivered to your hotel!" And if we were not sure about how to drape the sari, someone could be sent to the hotel to help.

Oh, maybe  I should have gone with the fuschia and orange instead...

Wise Women (and Dr Spock)

I have had quite a woman's week. It started and ended with two of Cathy Eden’s Midlife Matters workshops, exploring the concerns, challenges and strategies of being an aging woman in our society. We all threw up our arms in protest at the idea that we could possibly be “wise women”. Perhaps we have images of old crones bent over bubbling pots and can't quite face that yet. 

On Monday evening I had the almost surreal experience of attending the first in a series of antenatal classes with a friend who has asked me to be her birth partner. There I sat in a circle with 12 sets of prospective parents – all first time and about half my age. One of the exercises that they had to do was to list all their birthing and parenting concerns.

Well, the session was indicative of one of the challenges that we face in this 21^st century – too much information and too little knowledge. People had lists that filled A4 pages - I couldn't believe how worried they were about everything - postnatal depression, choosing between natural birth and a Caesar, breastfeeding, routine, and balancing work and parenting in general. All valid I suppose, but I wanted to shout, “All your baby needs is you!” The internet has become their enemy because they suddenly are faced with the worst-case scenarios of every aspect of what is essentially one of the most natural stages of life.

I had to sit on my hands to keep myself from jumping up and responding to each one. It wasn't appropriate for me since I was there in a different role and didn't want to step onto the toes of the facilitator. But I realized that I could have dealt with each of those concerns through the experience that I have as mother, occupational therapist, yoga teacher and traveler. It was especially hard to keep quiet when one of the future dads said spontaneous weekends and travel were soon to be thing of the past. I wanted to wave my hands in the air and say, “Look at me, we've travelled the world with our children!” I’ll have to tell him that during the tea break next time.

It was an unexpected reminder of how much I've learned; without being aware of it, life has made us wiser and we still have a role to play in a society challenged by the technology revolution, climate change disasters, wars and conflict, and all the anxiety that this brings to giving birth and raising children. As Dr Benjamin Spock said way back in the 1940s, "You know more than you think you do." (The Common Sense Book of Baby and Childcare)

Yesterday I attended a talk with another wise woman Dr Azila Reisinberger, who officiated at the Mezcla of a Wedding I attended little while ago. She is Head of the Hebrew Department at UCT, a champion of women’s rights and gender equality, acting rabbi and member of MENSA. She spoke about women in the bible, which was fascinating and entertaining and appealed to the Christian, Muslim and Jewish woman in the audience. Her real gift is her ability to highlight the traditions and beliefs which are common to different people and cultures and bring them together in a celebration of humanity. Wise Women of the World, Unite!

World Prematurity Day and a New Nephew

This is my brand new nephew, born on Wednesday 13 November. He has arrived about six weeks too early and looks much bigger in this picture than he actually is. Actually you cannot grasp how little he is until you pick him up, all 1,8 kg of him. He's all skin and bone and wrinkly as anything. He seems far too fragile to be out here.

Perhaps with a nod to making the right entrance, he decided to put in an appearance during World Prematurity Week. Today, 17 November, is World Prematurity Day, celebrated around the world to improve awareness of premature birth and how it can be prevented. Millions of babies are born prematurely every year of which 1 million die, about one baby in ten. It has become the leading cause of newborn deaths. (Premature babies are babies born before 37 weeks.)  Simple care like warmth and feeding support are essential to improving the chances of survival of these babies.

Giving birth is such a common occurrence that we tend to forget what a miracle and blessing it is that everything proceeds without a hitch. In spite of his early arrival, he has all the reflexes for survival and here he is holding onto his father's thumb for dear life.

And here he is three days old, already looking a little more handsome.

May he and all the other preemies go from strength to strength and live long and productive lives. 

Halfway through the Masters

This morning when I got back from my walk, the dogs were under attack by an angry swarm of bees which had made their nest under the eaves of the garden shed. So just when I thought I had a quiet morning after the builders left, I was phoning around for a "bee-man". It's no simple problem. As I write this they are being smoked out and then the roof has to be sealed, including every single corrugation it has, so that the bees don't come back to the nest. 

The academic year ended three weeks ago and apart from builders I have also had to deal with the city council and pest control because apparently it's rat season in Cape Town. And then a small matter of root canal surgery. Seems this was all on hold while I was indulging in the student life. 

I can hardly believe that the first year of the MA programme has come and gone. Half the time I was ecstatic about the opportunity and couldn't believe my luck. I probably irritated a few people by being on an almost-constant high about all that I was learning and didn't need a second invitation to talk about the course. The rest of the time I felt slightly inadequate about my illusions of being writer. There was more than one occasion when I huddled with my fellow-students outside the Arts Block after a seminar where a hallowed-published author had just given us a talk on how difficult it was to be a writer. 

The course work is done and now the real work begins - writing a 65-70 000 word thesis - putting all that I have learned into practice. I have no intention of spending 3-5 years on this masters programme but am a little worried about being able to dish up a book in a year. On the other hand, I am a late bloomer and want to get the MA behind by my back. There are many more projects to get on with.

As I was recently reminded, everyone feels inadequate at one time or another, you have to use it to your advantage, to spur you on. So, I intend to stay focused and see this through as best I can. At the end of the day I believe that you write because you can't help yourself. You create a work of art and if other people love it, that's great. If I worried about whether or not everybody else was going to like it, I'd never do it. In any case, my supervisor says that I should be writing to one reader - him. 

In the words of one of my teachers, "Onwards and upwards!"