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"So, do you work?" I have been thinking about this question over the last few days, since I attended a function with my husband. I usually brace myself for that question and wonder how I could answer it without appearing defensive. What exactly does work mean? If you do not have a paying job does that mean you do not work? Does that mean you are "living a life of luxury"? If you answer "No" does that mean the end of the conversation as you must be a "housewife" and therefore can have no meaningful contribution to the conversation or to society?
Answering no, does usually close off a conversation - doing voluntary work doesn't seem to count (since it does not involve money or climbing the corporate ladder) and seems to be regarded as not needing a commitment and therefore not important. Running a home and being a mother, supporting your husband's career, seems to be viewed with negativity. I am not sure if this is a SA viewpoint or a general global viewpoint. If you asked me if I was a feminist I would say yes - I believe in women's rights, in equality for women socially and culturally. But I think that people lose sight of the fact that the Feminist movement was about having the choice - the choice to stay at home with your kids or not, the choice to be single or married, the choice to build a career or not...
As a woman with a degree from a prestigious university and who worked in her career for a number of years, I feel fortunate to have been in the situation where I could choose to be a mother and "retire" from my previous career. And being a mother has certainly encompassed all the skills I learned at university and while working. What I did not know, I learned from workshops, books and from peers. On the job training is what is about; talk about immersion therapy! Certainly the hours have paid off and I have been well-rewarded along the way.
A friend joked that I could be the CEO of a "business" involving my role as mother. As they have grown older and spend more time at school and with other extra-mural activities, it seems that I have taken on the role of Personal Assistant. In many ways they need me less but even when they are not with me, I am planning and organising. I have to set time aside to do "admin" - plan schedules, make appointments, follow-up school-related issues. Recently, I have felt that I can start to reclaim my independence and start doing the things that I have put on hold.
But, yes, I have been working. Just not getting paid in hard currency.
Answering no, does usually close off a conversation - doing voluntary work doesn't seem to count (since it does not involve money or climbing the corporate ladder) and seems to be regarded as not needing a commitment and therefore not important. Running a home and being a mother, supporting your husband's career, seems to be viewed with negativity. I am not sure if this is a SA viewpoint or a general global viewpoint. If you asked me if I was a feminist I would say yes - I believe in women's rights, in equality for women socially and culturally. But I think that people lose sight of the fact that the Feminist movement was about having the choice - the choice to stay at home with your kids or not, the choice to be single or married, the choice to build a career or not...
As a woman with a degree from a prestigious university and who worked in her career for a number of years, I feel fortunate to have been in the situation where I could choose to be a mother and "retire" from my previous career. And being a mother has certainly encompassed all the skills I learned at university and while working. What I did not know, I learned from workshops, books and from peers. On the job training is what is about; talk about immersion therapy! Certainly the hours have paid off and I have been well-rewarded along the way.
A friend joked that I could be the CEO of a "business" involving my role as mother. As they have grown older and spend more time at school and with other extra-mural activities, it seems that I have taken on the role of Personal Assistant. In many ways they need me less but even when they are not with me, I am planning and organising. I have to set time aside to do "admin" - plan schedules, make appointments, follow-up school-related issues. Recently, I have felt that I can start to reclaim my independence and start doing the things that I have put on hold.
But, yes, I have been working. Just not getting paid in hard currency.
5 comments:
Amen sista!!! Your comments are thought provoking, funny and reader friendly (topical). Your writing style is easy and flowing - I love it!
Great! Agree with above that it flowed nicely with a friendly style - quite honestly I didn't want it to end. I so relate to the topic...wanted you to go on and on!! Don't stop writing!! Janine
I guess this also makes you a 'Research Associate in the Field of Child Development and Human Relations' at SaaRay Pty Ltd. (It is even better than being the boss of sleepovers) Ha!!!
See:
http://www.poeticexpressions.co.uk/POEMS/Not%20just%20a%20Mum.htm
Ah! The things I know now! One should be able to convert your parenting experience into a comparable degree so that afterwards you could claim back your space in your career or to study further. As the years have progressed, I have found that each stage brings new challenges, requiring new "research". We are now in the teens and while I am so proud of how they have turned out, it is quite a scary stage. There is a fine line between nurturing them and knowing when to kick them out of the nest so they can fly. I guess instinct, common sense and a huge dose of love will carry me through.
Very well written.
With most decisions we make in life, we know quickly if it was right or wrong?
But not when it comes to raising children. You may not know if you made the correct decisions for sometimes twenty or more years.
You can't lose rearing your children properly.
In life we are always making compromises.
The GREATEST gift someone can give is themselves.
So in the future have your hostesses or host sit you next to their enlighten guest.
Or better yet there are so many that need to be ENLIGHTENED!
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