Clued up on Culture

Yesterday I went shopping for a gift for visitors from the Middle East. I hadn’t met them before, although my husband had. I wanted to buy something meaningful – which is difficult when he was as scant with information as he usually is in situations like these and had no helpful suggestions.

I rejected neutral gifts like scarves/shawls (coals to Newcastle and all that). Foodstuff wouldn’t do and you don’t buy perfume for anyone else unless you know what they like. Something South African would be great, so I dashed off to the Carrol Boyes shop at the nearby mall. 

While looking at the beautifully displayed pewter and stainless steel artworks on the shelves I remembered, in time, that I couldn’t be buying anything with the human form or figures, especially not naked, for fear of offending religious and cultural customs and beliefs. Eventually I settled on items which were not too big to transport, which I trusted would not offend and which would convey the feelings of welcome and friendship we wished to. 

In the Middle Eastern countries like Qatar or Saudi Arabia there is a process of doing business. You do business with people you know and trust. There is a ritual of exchanging gifts, sharing meals and getting to know each other, that cannot be hurried.

After negotiating this task, I remembered a valuable little book I bought a few years ago. It is called “Clued up on Culture” and is a guide about religious and cultural observance in South Africa, aiming to raise awareness about the diversity of the different people who make up our still new democracy. The primary function of the book is to advise the reader on what to do and say when confronted with the life stages of traditional Africans, Hindus, Christians, Muslims and Jews.

As Barney Pityana, of the SA Human Rights Commission says in the foreword: “It helps...to be conscious of the richness and glorious diversity that is a gift to our country...as a result...understanding and tolerance are promoted."

If you have ever wondered whether to send flowers when a Muslim colleague loses a family member or whether you should remove your shoes when entering a Hindu home or what to wear to a traditional African wedding, this concise handbook is a worthwhile investment.

Clued up on Culture by Barbara Elion and Mercia Strieman is published by Juta Gariep Publishing Company (Pty) Ltd

The Gaza Doctor

Hate is an easy option. It takes courage to not hate. That is the message that has come through strongly for me from Dr Izzeldin Abuelaish’s book, I Shall Not Hate.  Dr Abuelaish is also known as “the Gaza doctor”. In 2009 he suffered unspeakable tragedy when three of his daughters were killed by Israeli Defence Force shells, three months after he lost his wife to acute leukemia.

A month ago I attended one of his lectures at the UCT medical school as part of the alumni program. I was blown away by this man who spoke of the tragedy with tears quietly streaming down his cheeks. But it is his response to this tragedy that is remarkable. He refuses to sink into hatred, although he acknowledges the anger he feels. Anger is important, he says, if it is accompanied by change and propels you toward necessary action to change the situation and make it better for everyone.

He spoke for close on an hour with a passion and quiet strength that points to how he has managed to survive with dignity and compassion. He says that as a medical doctor he has been trained to save lives, to treat people irrespective of who they are and that it is this belief that has helped him to search for the humanity in everyone that he has come into contact with.  

I had to buy the book to learn more about what makes this man tick. It is hard to imagine the daily life in Gaza that he describes in the book, the immense difficulties that he has overcome to achieve what he has. In spite of the immense loss that he has suffered, he believes that peace is possible. He hopes that the deaths of his daughters will be the last sacrifice on the road to peace in the Middle East.

He urges us to act now – that it is up to all of us to speak up and take an active role in promoting peace. During his talk he quoted a passage from the German Pastor Niemoller whose words I remember having up on my notice board during the apartheid years:

In Germany they first came for the Communists, 

and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. 

Then they came for the Jews, 

and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. 

Then they came for the trade unionists, 

and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. 

Then they came for the Catholics, 

and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. 

Then they came for me — 

and by that time no one was left to speak up.

I Shall Not Hate by Izzeldin Abuelaish is published by Bloomsbury